I dunno, I suppose that I’ve never felt like I fitted in. I always felt like the black sheep. Even with my family. Sometimes when I open my mouth to speak, I feel as though people are looking at me like, “What are you talking for?” May be that’s normal. May be everybody feels like that some times.
I don’t like to get involved, because I always feel pushed out. I find it easy to feel like people don’t like me. Most of the time I care, but then sometimes I think, well, who cares, does it really matter if someone doesn’t like me. There’s always going to be someone that doesn’t like us, or doesn’t like something that we do or say. But why should that be our problem? Surely that defines them, right? As long as you never set out to hurt someone. I’ve never set out to do or say something awful about someone, I always try to be the best person that I can be.
2 years ago, everything felt like it was falling apart, for quite a while…a part from my job. My job seems to be the only thing that I’m really good at. I found a book called ‘The Secret’ by Rhonda Byrne. it was amazing. At first you sort of read it and think, hmmm, ye right, ok then. But actually, it made me look at everything so positively. And I mean, everything. Every situation in life. And now I believe, truly believe, that something good comes from every bad situation. Apart from not being able to eat chocolate, nothing good can come from that situation haha.
Not many people really know me. There’s a lot hidden beneath. And I suppose that this is my way of inviting you in, and letting you get to know me, the real me. The person behind the smiles, the music, and the glamorous dresses. Because, why hide it. People are so caught up in wanting people to think of them in a certain way, and try to perceive themselves differently to who they really are. Well, I’m a ‘wear my heart on my sleeve’ kind of girl. My dad always says it. He always says that I’m too honest about myself and my life. But, I like honesty. I don’t feel like I have to hide my true feelings, or who I am.
Back in October when I revealed my health issues, a lot of my family disapproved of me being so public about it. They thought that it should be kept private. But I know, that my being public about my health issues, saved at least 3 peoples lives. Somebody out there was going through the same thing as me, and she felt completely alone until she read my blog. She contacted me, and we helped each other through it. I received lots of messages from girls in the same situation. Unfortunately, I am back there again. I have to go back into hospital for another biopsy. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, feel free to look back through my blog…I’m sure that I started posting about it in sept/oct time.
I suppose that I’m in quite a thoughtful mood today. Probably because I’m feeling poorly, tired and stressed. There’s a lot going on. And through my work success there seems to have been crap stuff happening in my personal life, on a constant basis. Sometimes it just feels like there’s so much. But I just get on with it. I never let the personal stuff affect my work.
As strong, powerful and successful as some people seem (celebrities included), we’re all going though some sort of rubbish and need to let the barriers down and show people that we are human. Sometimes, we all just need a cuddle.
Don’t be afraid to show your true feelings, or be who you really are. There are people who love you regardless. Yes, that includes those of you who feel isolated and alone xxx