So, the last few days has been a bit rocky, scary in fact. I had my loop diathermy treatment on wednesday, 2:15pm. Samantha (MUA) took me to the hospital (Doncaster Royal). I was really pleased when I got there and found out Sister Dee Johnson was doing my treatment. She’s like, the boss of gynaecology, lovely lady. She sat me down first to tell me the findings of my biopsy. “Now, I don’t want you to worry,” she said, “We found that the abnormal cells are advanced stage 3 PRE cancerous, they are pre cancerous darling so everything is going to be ok,” Wow, hearing those words was frightening. Suddenly I felt really lonely, trapped almost, in a bubble. I turned and looked at Samantha…I found it hard to focus. All these emotions came rushing, relief, anger, sadness, fear…but it was all going to be ok, because they caught them just in time. I felt blessed that I was so lucky.
The treatment was, erm, not nice. Dee explained what they were going to do, how it would feel, how my body would react. First they needed to inject my cervix, this had adrenaline in it. I was already shaking. Sam came over and held my hand. The first injection went in, and I’m not going to lie, some foul language came out of my mouth. The second injection went in, and I could feel my body starting to react. My legs felt like jelly, my heart was pounding, my mouth filled with saliva, and then the shaking started. all of my senses were heightened. I felt like I could have run a marathon at 100mph. I really needed to calm down, but I couldn’t.
The treatment started, I could see smoke coming out of my hoo ha which was strange haha…as you can probably imagine. It didn’t hurt, but it was a strange sensation. Dee cauterised the wound to stop it from bleeding. It was all over, that was it, for another 6 months.
The nurses helped me up, and took me into a little room to talk over the after care, what would happen and what shouldn’t happen. They were fantastic, honestly, the care they gave me was amazing.
Sam took me home. Walking or sitting down was not easy, it was really sore, painful even. And being the brave girl that I am, I didn’t take any pain killers. We ate rubbish and watched a dvd…oh and my mum cooked us an amazing dinner. Bed time came. I was feeling sorry for myself so dived into a 500ml tub of Hagen Daaz Belgian chocolate ice cream = heaven. And yes, I almost ate the full tub.
The disprin came out at 10:30pm, I was in so much pain and wanted to get a good sleep. At 2am I started to wake up. I was laying there thinking, surely it’s not time to wake up yet, but my body was telling me to get up. I turned and put the bed side lamp on. Something didn’t feel right. I looked down, and was absolutely covered in blood, it was pouring out of me like something from a horror movie. Normally this is the sort of thing that I would freak out about, but for some reason, I was surprisingly calm. “I’ll go and get a hot drink and sit for a minute,” I thought, after cleaning myself up. As I was sat there, I thought, “I’ll just ring G5 (ward) and ask if this is normal”, it was certainly not normal. “Right my love, I want you to get to A&E as soon as you can,” said the lady on the phone. Oh god. (By the way, re living this experience by writing about it is not easy). I casually (what the hell) walked into my mums room and calmly said “mum, you need to take me to a&e”, when she saw what was happening, she knew it was serious, now she tells me. There was no way we could wait for an ambulance, not with the amount of blood I was losing. We were straight in the car…but the motorway was closed. The journey to the hospital seemed like it took forever.
By the time we arrived, my clean clothes were soaked in blood. I was scared, really scared. (And also a little hacked off because those jogging bottoms cost £50 haha). After checking my blood pressure, temperature, oxygen levels, and handing over some very sexy adult nappies, they wheeled me up to ward G5, straight into a treatment room. “If we can’t stop the bleeding, you’re going to have to go to theatre,” the lady informed me. Now I was bricking myself. They opened me up but the blood was coming out so fast that it was hard for the consultant to see exactly where the bleed was coming from. The silver nitrate came out and went in to heel the wound and try to stop the bleeding. Mum was holding my hand the whole time. I could see by her face that she was scared, she was trying to hide it. It was now 4:30am, and I had no idea how many hours I’d been losing blood for. I was feeling weak, and exhausted. The bleeding had stopped. “We’re going to put you under observation on the ward, try and get some sleep. The doctor will see you in the morning and decide if we need to take you to theatre.”
It was 5:30am now. They wheeled me into a room with 4 beds, 3 were taken. There was an old lady awake in the bed next to mine. “We’ll look after her, don’t worry,” she whispered to my mum. “Come on girls, wake up, we have a newbie,” she said. My mum went home to get some things for me and to get some sleep ready for the morning. I prayed all night (which was actually only 4 hours, but felt like an entire night) that I wouldn’t have to go to theatre. We all chatted and I drifted in and out of sleep every so often. The doctor came around, it must have been 9:30-10am, to check the bleeding. About 6 members of medical staff came to my bed and pulled the curtain around which was a bit daunting. I was given the all clear, I could go home and rest, and then return at tea time to get my antibiotics for the week.
When mum came to get me, I just broke down. The realisation of what had happened hit me, and I just couldn’t control the tears. She was about to go and get the car but she didn’t want to leave me so upset. Then a lady approached, I wasn’t sure if I recognised her. “Alex, I didn’t recognise you (that’s because I looked like a vampire minus the fangs at this point), Carole, you go get the car, I’ll look after her,” it was andrea, she lives in the house behind ours and was with her mum. They both sat with me and looked after me until my mum got back. It was so lovely that they did that. My dad was upset because he had been working away in Bristol and wished he could have been there for support, but we have spoke on the phone.
I’ve been back home for 30 hours now, and every thing seems to be fine. My bleeding is normal, i’m just really weak and exhausted…and still rocking the vampire look (minus the fangs). I was ordered to cancel my work for this weekend, which I was really upset about. Never in my career (11years) have I ever cancelled a booking, even when I had campylobacter and should have been off work for a good 3-4 weeks. Pete Hartley has been a life saver and stepped in for me for the weekend. I have to thank the bride and my other clients for being so understanding. I am every so sorry that I can’t be there.
I’ve been bed bound all day…and since I got home yesterday. I am going to try a stroll in the morning to the shop with my mum, get some fresh air and light exercise, which is something that I’m not going to be able to do for a few weeks. I am really going to miss my gym routines…but, needs must.
Thank you to everyone that has sent me some lovely messages of love and support, and thank you to Suzy for the beautiful flowers that you sent, before the haemorrhage even happened, you must have felt it in your gut haha.
Love to you all